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Interviews & Conversations Women I've Shot Women Related Happenings

An Interview with Doula & Peri-natal Yoga Instructor Harriet Came
Part II

A few days after I documented yoga instructor and doula Harriet Came teaching pre-natal yoga I attended a special evening event she hosts once or twice a month.
I watched as she guided a large group, all couples in their third-trimester of pregnancy, in a workshop on birthing support and yoga practices for labour.

Doula-&--Pregnancy-Yoga-instructor---Harriet-Came---Couples-Workshop-Cape-Town-002-Photograph-by-Leah-Hawker

The workshop was hosted in the evening at The Shala and lit primarily with candles. The large attic room was filled with soft music, nervous men and their heavily pregnant partners.
Harriet discussed the labour experience, oxytocin, postures and partner support. One could describe the workshop as a mini-doula training experience, it was holistically and sensitively approached.
After my own busy day it was soothing and inspiring to watch and quietly document the process Harriet led her clients through.

Doula-&--Pregnancy-Yoga-instructor---Harriet-Came---Couples-Workshop-Cape-Town-004-Photograph-by-Leah-Hawker

Afterwards I discussed some of the workshop and Harriets opinions on birthing with her, here is some of what she had to say:

What would you say best contributes to a happy pregnancy and confident birth?

In point form, I believe the following are the some of the most important factors:

  • Taking it seriously but not too seriously
  • Using it as permission to be soft, to nurture, nest, take care of yourself and not feel guilty about it
  • Good diet
  • Regular (non strenuous) exercise
  • Yoga
  • Tissue salt program
  • Homeopathy
  • Positivity
  • Genetics
  • Great support network
  • Supportive partner
  • Reading enough but not too much
  • Believing in yourself
  • Staying away from negativity
  • Letting go
  • Having a supportive and experienced birthing team

Doula-&--Pregnancy-Yoga-instructor---Harriet-Came---Couples-Workshop-Cape-Town-011-Photograph-by-Leah-Hawker

Society, usually via advertising/media, puts a lot of pressure on women to maintain a sassy, effortless, young identity and the iconic mother figure. This leaves no space for leaking breasts, stretch marks and exhaustion. How do these polished notions of women influence a mother’s experience/choices about birthing as well as her experience as a new mother? Have you noticed issues here for the women you’ve worked alongside?

 This is a great question, and issues that I have to deal with on a daily basis in the industry that I work in, and as a 40 something mother myself.
I think it’s incredibly hard for a woman now.  I think there are many things that come into play.

Firstly the media: We see so many celebrities/female roles models in the media having these perfect transitions into motherhood… the photo shoots, the seemingly effortless morphing back into their pre-birth weight, the movies, the magazines, the internet etc etc.  So much of what we see is hype and photoshopping.

I don’t believe that there’s a woman, who, at some point, hasn’t wept at great length over breastfeeding, who hasn’t lost herself completely and felt overwhelmed  by the magnitude of the task, who hasn’t realised that she will never truly be alone again and had moments of “what the fuck have I done”.

We live in a world where often the truth is completely glossed over in order for things to look more beautiful and, for a lot of women, the journey into motherhood is a complete shock.
This quest for perfection influences us without a doubt: sometimes in a good way, sometimes negatively.

On the positive side, women are very switched onto a healthy way of life during pregnancy. Pre-natal diet and exercise is well researched now, pregnancy apps that give us such an incredible visual journey through the 9 months are encouraging and insightful, different natural birthing techniques, superb pain relief during birth, information on post natal recovery… all these things that can make a real, positive difference to a pregnancy and a successful and fulfilling birth.

Doula-&--Pregnancy-Yoga-instructor---Harriet-Came---Couples-Workshop-Cape-Town-001-Photograph-by-Leah-Hawker

But, I think on the downside, women now want it all because we see so many other women in media who appear to have it.

We want the perfect bump and a body to match. We want a beautiful family, we want to birth idyllically, we want to breastfeed, we want to have successful marriages, we want to have a career, we want to have a strong network of friends, we want the good body, the beautiful skin, the kids that eat broccoli and don’t watch TV, we want to eat organically, we want the best schools and the 4×4’s…

My experience is that you can’t have it all without something giving… and my advice (mainly anecdotal I hasten to add) is to be true to yourself, to let go a little and to realise that so much of what was important pre-kids, really isn’t anymore.

I work very hard to create this support network through my post natal classes, whastapp groups amongst students, an address book of professionals to supply to my students, regular tea parties/forums for a local support and community, great websites/blogs that give a real and encouraging insight into motherhood and life with kids.

Doula-&--Pregnancy-Yoga-instructor---Harriet-Came---Couples-Workshop-Cape-Town-008-Photograph-by-Leah-Hawker

Many of us are having our children late in life; I did myself and I’d say well over 50% of my students are in their mid to late 30’s.  In the first 6 months of last year I had 4 news mums having their first child in their early and mid 40’s (fabulous to witness something wanted and waited for so much).  As a result, women have a lifestyle that is more affluent, more selfish, more sorted (emotionally and financially) than the younger mums and I often see them struggle in the beginning as they realise that the spontaneity and glamour of their ‘selfish’ life is being replaced by nappies, sleepless nights, leaking breasts, marital strife and pureed butternut squash.

Of course as women, they adapt and cope, but it’s definitely a shift in society and culture since our parents parented and something that I don’t think many of us are aware of or expecting.

Doula-&--Pregnancy-Yoga-instructor---Harriet-Came---Couples-Workshop-Cape-Town-006-Photograph-by-Leah-Hawker

After meeting a number of South African doulas and midwives I’ve been surprised at how very differently each approaches her profession.
Hence our conversation gave me a new perspective. Your approach struck me as kind of go-between in that you focus a lot on your clients having a pro-active experience which is influenced by the kind of person they are to start with. 

My attitude is simple. I’d love for every birth that I go to to be natural, drug free, 5 hours long, candlelit and peaceful! But it’s not about me.  It’s about the mother and the father and the kind of birth that they want.
I guess I’m not really ‘pro’ anything, or, perhaps, I’m ‘pro’ everything!
I’m supportive of all kinds of birth, as long as the parents recognise what they want to work towards and make informed choices as they go through their pregnancy to try and achieve that.

As a result of this approach I support all types of birth happily and with no judgement, whatever they are; natural, caesarean, drug free, medicated, epidurals, hypnobirthing, home births.

Doula &  Pregnancy Yoga instructor - Harriet Came - Couples Workshop Cape Town 003 Photograph by Leah Hawker

I have helped clients make decisions to have elective Caesareans (for whatever reason), and I’ve helped clients go from wanting an elective Caesarean to choosing and preparing for a drug free vaginal birth.

As long as they are happy with the choices they make for their birth, I’m happy, and I feel that I’m doing my job.
Some births don’t quite go according to the wishes of the parents, and at that point, my job is to help make the birth as peaceful and fulfilling as I can do and support a couple as they make the transition into parenthood.

A birth day is the most magical, intense, fulfilling and extraordinary day of a mothers (and fathers) life.
The day that one gets to meet ones child for the first time and breathe in that intoxicating love is irreplaceable. This is why I tell my clients that the most important things they can do is to make decisions around their birth according to what they want.  I ask them to try not to listen to judgement or opinion, and to employ a support team (Obstetrician, midwife, doula etc.) that they trust implicitly to help them prepare themselves and hopefully achieve the birth that they wish for.

Doula &  Pregnancy Yoga instructor - Harriet Came - Couples Workshop Cape Town 012 Photograph by Leah Hawker

A last quote I liked from Harriet…..

Being pregnant and becoming a mum is not always glamorous or beautiful.  Birthing (particularly naturally) certainly is not.  It is raw, challenging, exhausting, instinctive (often primal) and at times not always intensely fulfilling.  For me, it’s about understanding your needs as a woman and mother, blocking out the negativity, and then drawing on a real, truthful yet positive information sources or support systems of which there are many!

A few weeks after attending this event at The Shala I was present at the labour and birth of one of her clients, also a friend of mine. It was the first time I had the honour of witnessing birth as well as the responsibilities of the different people present during a birth. What an experience! More on this later…

Harriet, thank you for sharing your insights and having me present during your classes. More on what Harriet does here.

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Interviews & Conversations Women I've Shot Women Related Happenings

An Interview with Doula & Peri-natal Yoga Instructor Harriet Came
(Part I)

I was connected to Harriet Came a short while back and we met in her light filled Cape Town home to chat about women, birthing and pre-natal yoga in South Africa.
Harriet immediately struck me as a vibrant, energetic and creative woman and mother. She has a gentle yet strong kind of contagious vitality about her. Our conversation and meeting left me high and inspired.

Harriet runs preggie-yoga classes in and around Cape Town using various studios including The Shala, Hot Dog Yoga, The Source and Yoga Way. She also hosts pregnancy yoga retreat weekends from time to time.
Apart from specializing in pre and post natal yoga, Harriet is also a doula (but more about that in later posts).

Doula-&--Pregnancy-Yoga-instructor---Harriet-Came---YogaWay-Cape-Town-007-Photograph-by-Leah-Hawker

After our first meet I attended one of her pre-natal classes, filled with bulging bellies in the morning light.

The space was peaceful and evocative of the kinds of energy one would imagine perfectly fit for women growing and supporting their babies and themselves.

I noticed how many women had commented on Harriets facebook platform “Bloom Yoga” saying how they only wished they’d come to her earlier.
Being witness to this lovely morning class showed the reason why- it was an empowering and safe space for women.

Doula-&--Pregnancy-Yoga-instructor---Harriet-Came---YogaWay-Cape-Town-008-Photograph-by-Leah-Hawker -

How did your journey take you from a Jimmy Choo wearing corporate in London to a Jimmy Choo wearing Yogi-doula?

Haha! If only I was a Jimmy Choo wearing yogi-doula!! Sadly I don’t have the lifestyle or the budget anymore – I am a mother of 3 children (Wilf (7yrs), Willow (5yrs) and Pixie (3yrs)).
Occasionally I do have the inclination though, so I’ll just pull a pair of (what are now vintage) designer shoes from my wardrobe and wear them for about 10 minutes before I get sore feet and then go straight back to my sneakers!

I have practised yoga now for about 20 years. On moving to Cape Town with my husband and having my son 7 years ago, I (encouraged by my yoga teacher here) started teaching pre natal yoga, and basically fell in love with the feeling I had in my body and mind whilst carrying a child and the energy that it created within me…. that which I could give to other women through yoga.

My teaching became my passion and work that I not only loved, but could fit around my family (now my largest priority).
Slowly my classes have built up (I now teach over 9 times a week all over Cape Town), and thankfully my reputation has grown.

Doula-&--Pregnancy-Yoga-instructor---Harriet-Came---YogaWay-Cape-Town-005-Photograph-by-Leah-Hawker -

My students began to ask if I would accompany them at their birth (I believe there is an incredibly powerful link between natural birthing and yoga) and so I trained to be a doula with the South African organisation WOMBS.  I have been practising for nearly 5 years;- very seriously in the last 2 years since I stopped breastfeeding my youngest child. My on-going birthing experience hugely influences my style of teaching now, and vice versa.

I have always admired strong women. I have always had a strong sense of family. I have always liked to work and to help achieve great things.  I have always sought after beauty and admired clever engineering (I trained as an engineer).

Now I get to combine everything that inspires me: there is nothing more beautiful than a pregnant woman, nothing more natural and inspiring than a body doing what it’s designed to do and nothing more powerful than a mother bringing her child into the world, the magic of seeing a new life take its first breath and watch a family emerge.

Doula-&--Pregnancy-Yoga-instructor---Harriet-Came---YogaWay-Cape-Town-009-Photograph-by-Leah-Hawker

I loved this quote and was thoroughly amused when I read the following (taken from a link you shared on your facebook page via MindBodyGreen):

“The women in my classes are allowed to bring in snacks and munch throughout the practice. They’re allowed to drink and get tea as they please. If they want to pee 20 times I don’t care. If they accidentally pee a little bit in a pose, chances are someone else did too. I probably use the word vagina and pubic bone at least once per class. And eventually, almost everyone farts.”  

Tell me how prenatal yoga differs and what the advantages are?

When I started reading the above text I thought it was a quote I had given to you.  It could have been!  It sounds just like my classes!  In fact, I taught through all of my own pregnancies and often snacked through a lot of my classes!  I talk about hips, pelvises, pubic bones and vaginas a lot of the time.  We’re not so big on farting but the occasional one slips out, it has to be said…

In my classes my mums feel that they’re in a soft, feminine, safe place and they can do what feels natural and be completely themselves (the key to successful vaginal birth by the way).

Doula-&--Pregnancy-Yoga-instructor---Harriet-Came---YogaWay-Cape-Town-006-Photograph-by-Leah-Hawker -

Pre-natal yoga is of course very similar to normal yoga in that we respect the techniques, asanas and philosophies of the ancient traditions, and we seek physical and spiritual wellbeing by practicing it.

However, of course, we’re working with an anatomy that is physiologically very different, and female emotions, hormones, energies that are heightened and different than at any other time in a woman’s life.

Doula-&--Pregnancy-Yoga-instructor---Harriet-Came---YogaWay-Cape-Town-010-Photograph-by-Leah-Hawker

 My attitude and way of teaching is very much that of  “less is more” and to maintain a high respect for body in this state.  I’ve been pregnant 4 times and with each experience I had more and more respect for my body.

With perinatal yoga (i.e. pre and post), we work in several different ways.

Firstly to strengthen and build those areas of the body which are put under strain during the 4 trimesters of pregnancy, thus making pregnancy and post natal recovery more enjoyable and easier.

Secondly to connect and bond with the baby and ones body during this time, this aids a more fulfilling pregnancy and an easier transition into motherhood.

Thirdly- to prepare body, mind and spirit for the birth itself.

Fourthly, my students create a sisterhood and support group through my classes which is a vital and loving lifeline at such a vulnerable, bewildering yet empowering time of their lives.

Doula-&--Pregnancy-Yoga-instructor---Harriet-Came---YogaWay-Cape-Town-004-Photograph-by-Leah-Hawker -

I joined Harriet at an evening workshop which she ran a while later as well as a birth she attended (and I thrillingly was invited to document). More on this later.

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Interviews & Conversations

An Interview with Two South African Midwives | Doulas

I met Ruth Ehrhardt and Lana Petersen at one of their Home Birth Gatherings at the end of last year which I attended in order to learn more about pregnancy and birthing experiences for South African women.

I later contacted them and asked if they would be willing to meet and discuss some more questions and ideas I had around the subject. We met at Marianne Littlejohns birthing clinic, Mtwana Birth House, in Muizenberg.

Midwives-Lana-Peterson-&-Ruth-Ehrhardt-South-Africa-003-Portrait-by-Leah-Hawker

Midwives-Lana-Peterson-&-Ruth-Ehrhardt-South-Africa-002-Portrait-by-Leah-Hawker
We talked about a number of different things revolving around what they do as well as my interest in some specific issues I’ve noticed coming up in my work as a photographer.

How long have you been interested in birth and what made you decide to make it your vocation?

Lana: For me, my interest started when I worked in a primary health care facility where mother and their newborns would attend the clinic for postnatal care. I would hear their birth stories which ranged from ecstatic to traumatic. I became obsessed with everything related to pregnancy & birth when I was trying to conceive my 1st child and even more so once I had given birth – which was a life-changing experience, I knew I had been bitten with the oxytocin bug and needed to be around labouring women….I then trained as a doula and as demand grew, left my work at the clinic to pursue attending births full-time – best decision ever!

Ruth: Even though my mother was a midwife, I was completely uninterested in birth and babies (I think I was very self absorbed and selfish beforehand) until I had my own first birth and that experience completely transformed me. Wow! What an experience – eye opening, scary, empowering, enriching, beautiful, angry, painful, ecstatic, peaceful, energetic, strong, pathetic, humbling, awesome…I could go on.
And throughout…: This calm, quiet presence of my mother holding me, reassuring me with a soft touch, or a soft gaze.
Afterwards I thought, “I wanna do that!”

What is your personal birth philosophy?

Ruth: The more I experience working with pregnant, labouring, birthing and new mothers, the more I feel that my role, more than anything, is to provide a feeling of safety and security. It is not about giving birth in a particular way, or any particular outcome, but ensuring, as much as possible, that the mother and baby bond is intact and that the mother feels secure in her bond and ability to parent this baby.
I walk away after the birth. The new mother has to parent this child, and just as she innately knows where the best place is to birth that child, she knows instinctively what the needs of that child are.

My role is to protect that space for mother and baby, so that mother and baby can safely find their way.

Midwife-Ruth-Ehrhardt-South-Africa-002-Portrait-by-Leah-Hawker

Which are the most significant moments of a birth for you?

Lana: Geez, there are so many….

When a mother has put plans in place for her optimum birth and she feels excited and empowered for the experience of labour.

Moments when mothers feel desperate and afraid but then go ahead and do it anyway.

Midwife-Lana-Peterson-South-Africa-001-Portrait-by-Leah-Hawker

I absolutely love the moments when a woman is naked and labouring hard and then suddenly, she looks like a Goddess! – breathtakingly beautiful!

The faces of fathers/siblings/extended family seeing a baby being born…those moments have brought me to tears often.

And finally – that moment when a mum realizes “she did it”….best thing ever.

Midwives-Lana-Peterson-&-Ruth-Ehrhardt-South-Africa-001-Portrait-by-Leah-Hawker

Ruth: The moment the mother realises that only SHE can give birth to this baby, only SHE.

And when she accepts that and finally surrenders to the process, it is quite miraculous and beautiful what unfolds.

Ruth said about her experience as a doula & midwife: fulfilling, exhausting, privileged, humbling, peaceful.
Ruth said about her experience as a doula & midwife: fulfilling, exhausting, privileged, humbling, peaceful.

It was great to be able to join an educational get-together with you both when I met you on the Home Birth Gathering last year. Ive since gone through your amazing resource site and been amazed at the feeling of community and the sharing of information I found there.

Im fascinated by the descriptions I have read of the transition labouring women go through from self-consciousness/awareness to the primal instinctivness and responsiveness of the body (generally described in the cases of natural birthers). You must bare witness to this often.

I’ve noticed how often the issues of tearing and or stretching come up for women as a “problematic issue” post-birth. In a society that is quite effected by media influences about gender identity and sexuality, how have you found your experience on the issue of vaginal tearing and the issues with aesthetics associated around this for women?

Lana: The large majority of the women I work with come to realize that the body and the pelvic floor specifically is designed to withstand and recover from the experience of birth. My focus would be more to teach women to make the connection with their vagina’s and learn to trust that if they are healthy, choose to birth instinctively (specifically not being coached to push!) …then their perineums will weather the passing of  a baby either in tact or with minimal to moderate damage and to remember that vagina’s are fantastic and healing themselves afterwards!

A still from the birthing room at the Mtwana clinic in Muizenberg
A detail from the birthing room at the Mtwana clinic in Muizenberg

I was sent this link to an interesting article about French photographer Christian Berthelot who documented a series of images of brand new babies, moments after their (cesarian) birth into the world.

From the article I found this piece quite interesting:

“When I saw [my son] for the first time, he was bloodied and covered in this white substance called vernix,” Berthelot recalled of his first experience with a caesarean. “He was like a warrior who has just won his first battle, like an angel out of darkness. What a joy to hear him scream”.
The babies captured through Berthelot’s lens reveal various ways to enter the world. Some scream and cry, some gesticulate wildly, while others appear still and calm, and a few, in the words of the artist, “do not yet appear to belong to the world of the living.”

Leanne - born April 8, 2014 at 8:31 am
1kg 745 - 13 seconds of life. Photograph by Christian Berthalot
Leanne – born April 8, 2014 at 8:31am 
1kg 745 – 13 seconds of life. Photograph by Christian Berthalot

His images are raw, beautiful and dramatic and are so very different to the pristine, rosey-cheeked newborn images one more often sees and which I am most frequently asked to portray. Berthelots images, however, represent the messy miracle of birth in the way that only midwives and obstetricians really get to see; those first living moments of a human being.

What do you think about the images or about your perception of birth as apposed to societies adjusted one?

Liza - born February 26, 2013 at 8:45 am 
3kg 200 - 3 seconds of life. Photograph by Christian Berthelot
Liza – born February 26, 2013 at 8:45 am 
3kg 200 – 3 seconds of life. Photograph by Christian Berthelot

 Ruth: When I first saw these images I thought, “That’s it! That’s that moment! That’s what we get to see!”

There is still a part of me that wonders at whether we should be allowed to capture this very sacred and personal moment but at the same time I see how for people who do not work in this field, it is so incredible to see how fresh and raw and real these images are.

A still from the birthing room at the Mtwana clinic in Muizenberg
A detail from the birthing room at the Mtwana clinic in Muizenberg

I remember the first image of a birth I ever saw, it was an incredible and very beautiful B&W, grainy image, I’ve never forgotten it.

At that stage, about 10 years ago, I had never considered these moments from a photographic perspective and am interested in the idea since I find the notion of birth to be such an intimate experience for a couple. How do you feel about having a photographer present and working on births and what are the differing feelings about this subject you’ve heard from clients?

 Ruth: We have all obviously been influence by images of birth, breast feeding and babies and what wonderful tools they are to show what we want to teach and convey.
At the same time though, and as I said previously, are we tampering with the sacredness of it all by having someone there snapping away?

Does it change anything? Does it alter the event?

Would we have someone there to photograph the intimacy of our wedding night? Giving birth is as intimate and personal as that and I completely understand wanting the moment captured but I sometimes wonder at what cost?

Dr. Michel Odent talks about observers (including cameras) at a birth inhibiting the release of oxytocin during labour (the hormone which contracts the uterus, but also the hormone of love) so basically, if a mother is aware of a camera or an observer, this may hinder the labouring process.

Just something to consider and think about.

Clients are usually very happy and grateful for the photos they have of their births. I know I am of mine. But I do remember feeling slightly distracted by having photos taken…

After our meeting Ruth sent me a link to a series of photographs of “half born humans” which we had discussed.
They show the moment that also Berthelot discussed when he explained how the brand new baby does “not yet appear to belong to the world of the living”, I’d never quite put my mind to it in this way, but that is exactly what it is, a kind of in-between moment… these incredible images are by Jaydene Freund:

From her series of "Amazing Birth photos of Half Born Humans". Photography by Jaydene Freund
From her series of “Amazing Birth photos of Half Born Humans”.
Photography by Jaydene Freund

Jaydene writes:

“I have rarely shared images of the actual moment of birth to protect my client’s privacy, however I have received permission to post these incredible images of these little super-humans when they were only half earth-side. Don’t be scared to be amazed by these images! This is human life before it has taken it’s first breath. Suspended between 2 worlds, life is waiting for that final push to be born.” 

From her series of "Amazing Birth photos of Half Born Humans". Photography by Jaydene Freund
From her series of “Amazing Birth photos of Half Born Humans”.
Photography by Jaydene Freund

If you could communicate one message to women about the birth experience, what would that be?

Ruth: Listen to yourself and what your needs are…the decisions you make around your pregnancy and birth are your first parenting decisions, so find a caregiver who really gets you and what you want.

I asked Lana & Ruth which 5 words best describe their experience as a doula or midwife. Lana: "awesome, sleep-depriving, life-affirming, addictive, soul-fulfilling! "
I asked Lana & Ruth which 5 words best describe their experience as a doula. Lana: “awesome, sleep-depriving, life-affirming, addictive, soul-fulfilling! “

Lana: Women are not doing nearly enough research into pregnancy & birth in this day and age! There’s far too much focus on obtaining the latest gadgets that will “make parenting easier”….Nonsense! Parenting is the hardest thing you’ll ever do – otherwise you’re doing it wrong!…

Rather focus on what type of pregnancy and birth you would like and explore ALL the options …..you only get to have your 1st birth experience once!

Make sure its a good one!

A still from the birthing room at the Mtwana clinic in Muizenberg
A still from the birthing room at the Mtwana clinic in Muizenberg
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Interviews & Conversations Women I've Shot

“The Housewives”, Nude Private Commissions:
This is Karen

(Note: “The Housewives” was a term I fondly coined in 2006 after I started getting shoot requests from private, individual women who became my clients. Many of the women who contacted me were married and in their mid 30’s and were doing the shoots as gifts to their husbands. The folder in my archives is still called this and so I’ve stuck to it, in part just for the irony: most of these women are not “housewives” at all, but strong independent and forward thinking women who I have had the honour of documenting.

All are private commissions and the demographic has changed substantially over the years. Some I’m still in contact with, others I’ve totally lost contact with, some have become friends, some may wish not to have their real names used, others don’t mind, some may have their faces obscured for privacy reasons, others have generously shared their experiences of being photographed.)

Karen 001 photographed by Leah Hawker 2009

It was May 2009 when I photographed Karen, she was a friend of a colleague (at the time). She commissioned me to shoot a series of portraits with her. We completed three looks during the couple of hours we worked together. Karen was open, confident and self assured. Her shoot was classic: black and white lace, sensual, backlit facets of her toned body, using mostly props/lingerie from my collection and her own significant signature necklace.

Karen 004 photographed by Leah Hawker 2009

I asked Karen to tell me about the shoot from her perspective:

I recall chatting with you and your mentioning you were doing nude shoots with ‘ordinary’, everyday women challenging the notions of media portrayal of women and celebrating themselves and their femininity. That somehow struck a cord with me.  I was only just a few months into a new relationship, which had me experience so much love, warmth, passion, romance and a sensuality I had not ever known before. It was a relationship that grew out of an unexpected meeting with seemingly unrealistic chances of continuing.
I had meet someone much much younger than me.
After over 5 years of being in a rather dysfunctional relationship where I had never been complimented, and repeatedly told I was unattractive and unloveable, it was euphoric to have a man, a most handsome, intelligent, athletic younger man suddenly admire and appreciate me, emotionally and physically. It was a surge in confidence, a change of self perception that almost made me want to rediscover myself via a lens: an objective look in an artful and tasteful way.
This was not my first time naked in front of the camera: heavily pregnant with my 2nd child, and my relationship truly on the rocks beyond saving, I had been approached by a photographer wanting to do a nude pregnant shoot in a forest, as I was actually blooming with femininity during this time.
But taking up Leah’s invite for a nude photoshoot took some to embrace, shedding all the notions of insecurity as this time seemed different, exciting, naughty, erotic, forbidden, explorative, accepting, a personal discovery, a revelation.

Karen 005 photographed by Leah Hawker 2009

Leah’s mannerism was so easy and down to earth, and it was not a situation of being ordered to play out her vision, but instead was a fun collaborative approach, as she guided the poses yet also allowed me to suggest and co-choreograph positions/body language that I actually had wanted to ‘play out’ especially the B&W silhouetted images. The lingerie series was for fun, to almost play out, with mild vengeance, the inaccessible model we are forever flaunted with by magazines and media images of women.The nude shots were the path of freedom, self acceptance and celebration.
When I finally saw the photos, I was so proud of Leah’s talented way of reading and capturing a woman’s body, yet also somewhat surprised they were actually me! It was a real growth to toss away the invalidating labels that had been relentlessly put upon me for years, and accept the compliments I was getting in my new relationship. To actually accept them graciously and allow myself to see myself as my lover did.
I am proud of those images, not just for the courage it took to take them, but for what they represent to me of that time of my life: a time of huge change, taking the courage to leave a dysfunctional relationship and go solo with two very young children (only 4.5 and 1.5  yrs at the time), a desire to seek out the positive in life, and finding unexpected love and new sensual awareness. And not only that, but that they were taken when I was 43.
That relationship lasted way beyond anyone’s expectation, including mine, and will be forever the greatest love and journey I have experienced to date. It has left me with a valuable insight that each woman has a unique and special shape, a personal aura and energy, that is driven by a self love emanating outwards not inwards. Now years later, I have seen holiday photos of myself and see the fattened and aged legs, the unsightly dimples and rolls there and there, yet I still feel more confident about my self, my feminine appeal and my body than I did when i was 28.

Karen 003 photographed by Leah Hawker 2009

Four years after Karen’s photoshoot I was working on staff at Playboy and the managing team of editors had decided last minute (pre print deadline) to scrap the planned cover in aid of an anti-rape campaign linked to events which were happening in current affairs in South Africa at the time. They were considering going with a black cover. I remembered Karens images and went back through my archives and forwarded them a simple detail shot.

 

I didn’t manage to get hold of Karen until after it had gone to press. We ended up coincidentally going to our communal friends birthday-do a few days after the magazines print deadline. I then calmly told her the her anonymous bum would be the next cover of Playboy South Africa, print edition.

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In the follow up issue, Playboy published a forum page with feedback about their survey and campaign with this blurb on Karen’s story:

The Story Behind Our Cover Bum

Ironically, none of our critics of our last month cover actually asked who the model was, or whether she felt exploited. In fact this woman, Karen-Suzanne Claren, in her mid-forties, mother of two, is thrilled to have her great bum gracing the cover of our March issue!  The image came about when we decided to pull the planned March cover and our official photographer, Leah Hawker, suggested a set of high contrast, discreet and near-total black images as cover option from her archive of private client shoots.  This one of Karen’s derriere we just couldn’t resist as it visually translated our message while still keeping with our statement – No Means No- and black theme.  When Karen did the original photo shoot with Leah, as a series of artistic black & white poses, it was for  completely private reasons to celebrate her femininity, feel strong and sexy again, after coming out of a long dysfunctional relationship that left her with a low self image.  Asked how she feels about being on the cover, she says she is “extremely proud and empowered by this opportunity to be featured on such a famous magazine”  Thank you, Karen!

Karen 002 photographed by Leah Hawker 2009

Karens story continues still and has me smiling…

Ironically while I was overseas some months ago, I had a young colleague from our company and his girlfriend housesit for me. Only five nights before my return, the house was burgled, leaving the poor couple a bit shell shocked facing a ransacked house. They tried to restore some order to the place.  All cupboards’ and drawers’ contents had been strewn across the house, my hoardings laid bare, including my safely tucked away personal collection of photographs from Leah’s photo shoot. My little secret from 5 years ago… the burglars seemingly distracted from their mission, with all photos spread across the table.  Furthermore, it turns out that the photos proved to be perfect surfaces to obtain imprints of the burglars fingers. What started as a private journey and a gift to my special love, had inadvertently now become a small moment of wonder, admiration and mild bemusement to colleagues, police officers, security and a few unknown more.

Karins Breakin

A finger print left as evidence on a nude photograph

 The fact that one of my photos had been chosen from Leah’s portfolio to feature as the cover on the March 2013 issue of Playboy was also a huge surprise, again not for the need of recognition but silent pride that something borne out of a personal exploration of self had outshone all intentions and expectations.  That my derriere, once an immense source of insecurity and self consciousness when younger, was now the image chosen as a tasteful yet iconic female representation on such a coveted magazine.

As Women we judge ourselves far too harshly, and need to shy away from the manipulated media images and learn to appreciate our unique beauty. Having said that I do want to try work away some of those dimples and rolls before my next photoshoot with Leah, and celebrate the aura of awareness that 50 brings…